When I was a little girl I wasn't treated very nice by a lot of people. All my peers were just hateful and  I had about 4 adults in my life that I trusted and who actually gave a shit about me as a person.  My mother, my maternal grandfather, (my maternal grandmother gave a shit but she died when I was 6), my maternal Aunt and Uncle.  My dad just used me as a punching bag and whatever else he could get me to do for him and let me tell you he sure did a number on this chick. He never kept a job and was always screwing something up financially to make my mother have to work harder and longer, this in turn made her depressed and she even doubted that she was a good person that God or anyone else would want to love.  She should have left him but she had her reasoning.  Well when I became an adult I basically disrespected him as much as I possibly could and then stopped speaking to him all together.  This lasted until my mother passed away when I was 31 and my brother, who maintained contact with him, was going to have his 1st biological child(Prior to this birth, he inherited a beautiful little girl that he would raise as his daughter)  Well anyway.... wanting to keep a protective eye on the new additions to my life I decided I would resume contact with my dad.  The relationship was rocky and eventually we discussed my childhood on few occasions.  I was given a sincere "sorry" and I felt he was but the scars will never heal.... Either way I vowed I would never let a man treat me bad again.  Well I somehow have gotten myself exactly where my mother was when I was a child.

All my life all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom.  I really didn't aspire to much else and thought that being able to be a great partner to someone and a great mom to at least one child would be the absolute greatest thing in the world.  I dreamed of my wedding day and how beautiful, fun and loving it would be.  I had expectations of just how wonderful it would be to be pregnant, give birth and share my new baby with my husband and family.  I looked forward to having family holidays and parties with extended family members.  I grew up and continued my search for Mr. Right so we could start a life together and have a family.  I fell in love with a man who loved me back but couldn't commit to me for some reason.  He could to others and did but in the end he always came back to me.  What was so wrong with me.  We would have had an awesome life!!  Together we could have had the 3 kids both of us wanted, the family holiday's ( I got along great with his parents and my mom loved him to pieces) But he chose to go off with some bitch who would only give him 1 child cause she didn't want to get fat and didn't even want the one she had let alone anymore.  She was mean to his family and took them for every last dime she could get out of them.  Our wedding would have been extraordinary!!  But he was s dumb ass.  He even said to me that he regretted making the decisions he made and that he never saw what was right in front of him for so long.

I eventually met someone who wanted to marry me and have children with me.  I thought he loved me and I thought I loved him.  But I'm not so sure he really loved me or just needed a permanent place to live.